Bring It To Barb

Barb Rock

Dear Barb,
For the past few years I have had so many changes in my life and I just keep taking care of each problem that comes along as fast as I can. I am single and a mom with a grown child that I struggled by myself to raise until finding my current job. I am tired of doing things I don’t have time for or dealing with changes I don’t want to be doing or changing. Even grocery shopping is a hurry up experience because I have other problems to solve. Will I ever be done? Why doesn’t anyone see my frustration and help me? No one ever offers to help, yet I help them when they need it.

Always Rushing Thru Life

Dear Always Rushing Thru Life,
I call it the “Hurry UP and Get it Done” syndrome. (H.U.G.D). Instead of submersing yourself into the task at hand, you detach and have an “I hate this” attitude and grumble through the process, pointing out everything wrong that you predicted, feeling sorry for yourself loudly about how hard you have it or blaming the circumstances on others besides yourself. It’s time to STOP AND ENJOY THE JOURNEY.
H.U.G.D. syndromeis very common and it keeps people chasing the day that they can finally be done! Newsflash: You are never done! There will always be something that will steal your time away that is unpleasant or not what you want to be doing. There will always be changes, as our lives continue to evolve forward.
A perfect example would be a bicycle. The bicycle must keep propelling forward or it will fall down when it slows to a stop. This is a close comparison for our lives!
Our ability to endure inconvenience or obstacles will develop us just like a muscle in our bodies will develop with continuous training. Muscles also go atrophy (loose strength) within 14 days of no use. Developing tolerance and more tenacity are no different. The bigger the problem we handle, the more acceptance we have of the smaller problems as no big deal.
It is time to buck-up and act differently. Look at trials or hard tasks as a part of your life to learn from; don’t act rash or hurry through it only for the purpose of getting it done so you can do nothingor something more fun!
Everyone’s life is intricately different, but it is part of being an adult in our society. A single parent may feel oppressed. Be careful: The tendency for defeatism sets the cycle of “look how hard my life is” and this tendency may follow into adulthood and be part of who you are now.
Don’t even have an expectation that others should help. We are all busy and your situation is not an emergency to anyone else; it’s only important to you. If they offer help, graciously accept. Too often, we generate unnecessary or unfair resentment toward others for being distant or detached, which further compounds our anger of the task at hand.
Don’t just throw money at the situation – throw effort! It may seem easier at the time, but ultimately it ends up causing havoc financially down the road. Bad decisions don’t happen – they are caused by making a choice.
The answer is in your perspective. You may truly believe that somehow it is an unfair situation or problem, however that doesn’t change the reality of the need to tackle that problem mostly with effort.
Happy and relaxed with a smile and a “I got this” attitude, or sour faced with a frown, barely trying, throwing things around and accusing other of not helping – your choice, either way you’ll be doing it.
You will always have change, so purposely remain calm, smile and relax into this journey we call LIFE.

Barb Rock is a mental health counselor and the published author of “Run Your Own Race: Happiness after 50.” Send any questions related to mental health, relationships or life issues to her at

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