Mother’s Day is approaching. I am single, recently divorced, a mother and feel like I could use some love and affection. Friends and family are great, but not the same as a special person to share it with. What can be done to help me embrace this feeling of thinking that this is not how it should be?
Dear Feeling Unremembered,
There are many single mothers who feel unacknowledged on Mother’s Day by a significant other in their lives. Romantically, those who are moms can feel very left out. Our kids, young or old, will bring us breakfast in bed, flowers or chocolate, but somehow you still feel a void.
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Women are nurturers naturally and men are providers naturally. We are sometimes so busy nurturing our kids, friends, coworkers that we forget to nurture ourselves. Just like a bucket filling with water, if there are too many holes in the bucket then the water flows out of the holes leaving very little water left in the bucket at any time. Childbirth is real, and raising a child that is healthy is quite a task and accomplishment.
We are living in a new world and it is different than those expectations that we remember as a child or may have fantasized to be the perfect life. We ourselves design our lives, and the outcomes that we see are the result of what we have designed based solely on our decisions.
I suggest that you take time to write down what is important to you and then write down what needs to be done to attain what is important to you. Don’t just think about it; writing it down makes it more powerful.
Just like accidents don’t happen – they are caused – the honest truth is that we make our lives as they are by the decisions we make and fears we run from.
Give a smile and give a compliment to someone and see how the outcome turns out to be different. It is vital to also accept a smile and accept a compliment made by others.
Your feeling like this is not how it should be means that you are still evolving and developing your vision, which is very healthy.
Stagnant, motionless people remain stagnant. Just as bacteria, algae, and parasites are better able to multiply in water that is stagnant, our movement and get-up-and-go in life will keep the flow free of infiltration of muck. Keep fine-tuning your life.
Barb Rock is a mental health counselor and the published author of “Run Your Own Race: Happiness after 50.” Send any questions related to mental health, relationships or life issues to her at BarbRockrocks@yahoo.com.